How I relate to the TED Talk by Pamela Meyer: How to spot a liar
"We’re all liars. What I’m going to do today is to show you what the research says about why we are all liars. How you can become a lie spotter. And why you might want to go the extra mile, and go from liespotting to truth-seeking. And ultimately, to trust building."
This TED Talk on “Liespotting” is both hilarious and humbling. It makes me contemplate about my own life.
Today I am officially one year older, and hopefully a little bit wiser and kinder, and a lot less self-righteous. :))
THE LIESPOTTING STAGE
On a more serious note, admittedly, there are issues I would like to believe I have already forgiven and let go of…but there are moments when anger resurfaces because certain people very dear to me continue to deny the truth. It’s sad that I have grown to understand how it’s like for anger to degenerate into contempt. I never quite understood what contempt meant when I was a child. How I wish I could consciously return to that state of not feeling contempt for another human being. For now, I just have to continue my journey toward forgiveness.
"Lying is a cooperative act. Think about it. Lying has no power whatsoever by its mere utterance. Its power emerges when someone else agrees to believe the lie. So I know it may sound like tough love. But look, if at some point you got lied to, it’s ‘cause you agreed to get lied to.”
THE TRUTH-SEEKING STAGE
Truth-seeking can only begin when we humbly accept and acknowledge that one way or another, at some point in our lives, we have AGREED to be lied to; and thus, we need to also know when to break the silence, put our foot down, and be firm in calling a spade a spade regardless of whether others (even if they are the majority) continue to propagate a certain lie through their cooperative acts of denial (of truth) and acceptance (of lies).
THE TRUST BUILDING STAGE
As a teacher, I do my best to encourage my students to independently seek and speak the truth by creating a learning environment where trust and teamwork are cultivated, curiosity and creativity are rewarded, and where they feel free to make mistakes, learn from them, and continuously fail forward.
Applying these thoughts into consistent action in my own personal life - however - is very, very challenging. I have trust issues because of my childhood, sure. But that doesn’t excuse me from practising what I preach about the need to build and earn trust to continuously further one’s growth.
Despite my trust issues, I am truly blessed to be in a
difficult relationship with a man who has pushed-hugged-kicked-hugged-thrown-hugged-and-then-pushed me-again-hugged (repeat cycle at least a hundred times) out of my comfort zone of lies, and self-deceit. :3
When a person chooses to love you and trust you in spite of your faults and shortcomings, you simply want to become the better version of yourself so you can eventually say that you truly deserve the love and trust given to you (especially when you feel you don’t really deserve it).
Of course, that should go without saying how it had to begin with me finally acknowledging MY MISTAKES, owning up to my lies, saying sorry sincerely, taking full responsibility for the consequences of my past actions, and now changing my mindset, my thoughts, and my behaviour for the better.
More than anything, patience (a great deal of it) has proven to be a virtue in pruning ourselves within and without this relationship.
For someone so impossibly stubborn as me, miracles do happen, sometimes in the form of an awesomeawesomeawesome and very loving man whom I fondly call my HoneyBunny! ^_^
We squeeze the truth out of each other until it hurts (LOLOLOL) and then we hug each other like kids and say, “It’s okay. I love you still.” And then, the sting of truth hurts a little less… we change our ways, and we
know hope to get better by the day until we’re both old and gray… or NOT… depending on how we choose to commit ourselves daily to love, truth-seeking and trust building.